Guilty As Charged: How to Buy Your Way Out of the Dog House
Welcome mon frère to the Château de Bow Wow. How are the accommodations working out for you? A little too frigid for your liking? Truth is, you can’t really buy or bribe your way out of the dog house. (Yeah, le sigh). But you can, perhaps, lessen your sentence or at least make it somewhat bearable during your stay —and your ticket to warmer conditions could be… the perfect peace offering. Careful now: the wrong purchase could dig you deeper in the hole. (Please refrain from cooking instruction classes, plastic surgery gift certificates and gym memberships, thank you.) If it’s any consolation, I’ll bet your hole is no bigger than say, Arnold Schwarzenegger or Anthony Weiner’s hole right now, so there’s probably hope. So, what to buy? Here’s the ultimate guilt -ridden gift guide—sorry, three ways!
Something Sweet: for minor mess-ups, try these tasty peace treaties.
- Sugar her up. How cute are these custom candy signs found on niftycandy.com ? Heck, if it’s just a minor ‘insensitivity’ issue, one of these gummy-gifts will surely bring a smile to her face. Some options are, “I love …any name”,–just make sure it’s hers (wink, wink)),” I love you”, or whatever your guilty conscious can dream up. Just maybe, it will make her all jiggly inside. Flavors include cherry, tangerine, lemonade, green apple, blue raspberry.
- Heel, boy. Kicked to the curb? Try Peterbrooke Chocolatier of Winter Park’s Chocolate Shoe. The edible treats are a shoe-in to get any guy out of the dog house. Gourmet chocolate of choice can be customized to any color, design with a custom label. The shoe is available to ship anywhere in the continental United States. The custom label could say fun things like: “Don’t walk out of my life”, “Don’t give me the boot… heel in the case”, “Sorry I stepped on your toes…”($40 plus $3 for a custom label)
Something Sparkly: for semi-serious slip ups, wrap up your apology with these glittery goodies.
- Think “thoughtful”. Repeat after me: I will not buy mall jewelry. Great—again: I will not buy mall jewelry. Perfecto. Now head over to KELLYM.Jewels and buy something summery, fresh and original. These (highly thoughtful) handcrafted pieces won’t break the bank, but just may do the trick because it makes a huge statement. It says: I didn’t buy you mall jewelry—I took the time to hunt for something fab and unique. (Shhh, don’t mention this guilt-guide!) She’ll melt. Every item comes wrapped in a pillow box with a raffia bow. Place this pearly treasure on her pillow with a handwritten note—and reap the rewards! (Carmel by the Sea, $ 156)
- Make it personal. There’s nothing like a creating a thoughtfully crafted or personally customized piece to show your honey how sorry you are or how much she means to you. Guilty beaus can fully customize every piece, opting for larger or pricier stones depending on the offense. Better yet, they can also edit the type of stones, opting to add a blue topaz and red garnet to represent his-and-hers birthstones . And for repeat offenders, stackable rings make saying “I’m sorry” that much easier, again and again.
Something Spectacular: For epic fails, better break out the big guns.
- Hoping to hit the apology jackpot? For starters, go with a spa-velous surprise weekend whisk-away and wow her with something blissful, like the Immersion “Four Hand Massage” at the Borgata’s Water Club in Atlantic City, NJ. Get this: A rhythmic flow of four hands simultaneously massaging your body will create the ultimate feeling of euphoria. The choreographed movement envelops your mind, body and spirit, leaving you completely and decadently relaxed. Seriously, this is as close to buying heaven as you can get. She’ll melt. 80 Minutes, $290
- Arrivederci, Dog House! For truly bi- time screw-ups, you just may have to bring the (European) bling. For instance, franco PIANEGONDA (by Franco Pianegonda) is a luxury Italian jewelry brand renowned for innovative designs and the creations can be purchased at fine retailers, including Neiman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue, along with its flagship retail location in Aventura, FL . This is called ‘Hearts of gold’ and it’s going to set you back, oh, some $7,250.00. If you’re buying this as a guilt gift, chances are you’ll need to throw in a trip to Italy as well. Good luck with that!
Janene Mascarella is a lifestyle writer whose work has appeared in The Washington Post, CNNMoney, American Way, Self, Glamour, Cooking Light, Women’s Health, Woman’s Day, Bella, Mint.com, Currency, Parenting, Parents, Family Circle, American Baby, AOL Travel, and iVillage. Follow her on Twitter @MrsWrite
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